Emotional Hijacking?!

Okay, so, how do I deal with emotional hijacking? Well, it used to be taking it out on my younger brother....just kidding, though I did get into some pretty nasty fights with him when I was in high school. I have to say whenever I have an enormous amounts of anger and anguish, it is usually related to the situation my family is in. Since my father works in Taiwan, it has been hard for my mother to raise my brother and I in the States. Yet, this also means growing up for my brother, most of the time without a father near by, resulted in some unbalanced anguish. (which may have also unconsciously infested itself within me. ) As one role of a family is not fulfilled, each of the member must take on different responsibilities to fill in on the gap and also learn to accept the way things are, often with minimal complaint and opposition, in order to keep a family running. That was how everything has been for the last ten years of my life. I don't have particular anger or hatred for the situation, however, an overwhelming sorrow always arise when I look back at my life. It's a sorrow of seeing my family members bearing the pain and frustration for the love of each other and themselves. It's seeing my mother stressing to for her job and trying to fulfill her role as a caring other, seeing my brother growing without a male role model in the family, knowing the loneliness of my father who is thousands miles away, and seeing myself burying all these emotions to keep my chin up and striving for tomorrow.

As we are already walking on tight rope, when one of us begin to falter it often makes the others even more strained. My brother being the youngest, tends to be the one most readily exudes emotional anguish and often at my mother. At this point, all the emotion suppressed begins to rise at an alarming rate and boils within my veins. I will soon be filled with enormous amounts of rage, which was justified by telling myself why can't my brother be more considerate of my mother. Does he know how hard mom is working? We always had to take care of him, what has he contributed? What does he understand? Why is he yelling at my mom when he is the one who should be doing his homework?! (it is often simple things that arouse these family feuds) Questions as such begins to rush into my brain, even though I know things are tough for him and I, as his older sibling, should consider his situation instead of comparing him to me.

I remember such an instance happening just the past summer when I was at home. My brother, now entering puberty, has been in constant fight with my mother, almost everyday. I remember sitting in my room trying to ground myself and listening to them yelling at each other. Luckily, it's summer break, I was not under any stress and was able to avoid the emotional hijacking. I told myself, going over and yelling at my brother is not going to make the situation any better, in fact will only worsen it. I tried to pull myself out from the situation and look on as a bystander. I had to keep telling myself, right now both of them are heated and me being angry will not help anyone, I should wait till things are over then try to sort things out. Truthfully, this conflict has nothing to do with me, I should not let my emotions be involved. I may disapprove the way my brother is treating my mom, however the rage must be also composed of my own anger since my reaction is too strong. With these strategies, i was able to calm down and proceed to my own deeds as I wait for things to calm down to talk to them.

I think for many people, emotional hijacking often happens in family situations where we are so accustomed to doing extra for each other, yet also easily take each other for granted; that is until someone blows up. Using these strategies really helps me calm down, espacially when I don't want to hurt my family members due to my own emotions erupting.